Uncomfortable.

During our orientation in August, Amy (one of the head honchos at C.A.P.) challenged us with a word for our year at C.A.P. Can you guess what the word was?


(Hint hint, wink, wink, it's uncomfortable)

A pretty interesting and thought-provoking statement that was. Considering that in the weeks leading up to me going to Kentucky for a year, I was a little nervous. More than a little nervous; some might say I was freaking out. I was already uncomfortable when I got here, I knew no one, knew about three things about Kentucky (bourbon, the derby, KFC), and had a little bit of an idea of what I was getting into, but not too much. So, learning that I was supposed to and even challenged to feel this way for a year, and to potentially embrace it? Haha well, I wasn't too big of a fan.

But, she had a good point. Even in the month since I've been here, I've done many things that I would consider as "uncomfortable". Going up to flatrock, and shimmying (and I mean shimmying) between rocks to get up to a top which if you didn't watch it, you might fall to your death (scary stuff, especially for someone who isn't too big a fan of heights). Jumping into a van with only your cellular device, and going shopping with housemates that you've only just met (that story will probably go around for a while). Going on so many spontaneous car trips after only minutes (sometimes seconds) of deliberation, and making up taco puns to exchange at the drive-thru window (if only I could remember them now). Contra dancing, with little-to-no prior dancing experience, and trying not to get dizzy from all the twirling around.

It doesn't help that I seem to have social anxiety, though I suppose I've had that for years, but didn't know it. But the biggest challenge? Being at the food pantry, and shopping with a participant who has had a tough life, and you have no idea how to respond. Considering that for me, stepping up to help a participant can be a challenge; I always think that it'll go badly somehow, though I don't know it could. But, getting bear-hugged on the first day by a participant was pretty sweet. And when you can give recipe advice out, that's pretty swell too.

What's that quote again? "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." We should all keep that in mind.

'til next time, be kind to everyone, and have courage.

Peace out,
Len 😎

Next question: What do I with CAP?

I'm going to guess that this is the next question that people ask. I'll admit, when I got here I was like, "what is a food pantry case worker?" "What does that entail?" Well the short answer is that I help people get food when they don't have enough. If you want the more detailed answer, read on...

Still here? Okay awesome! In reward for your patience and reading on, you'll have the opportunity to see an incredible picture at the end of this post, excitement! 

Anyway, working in a food pantry is hard work. It's a blast, due to my fabulous co-workers, and the volunteers who come in to help, who have become like family. There's Mary (my supervisor), Sherri (Mary's boss), Carolyn (my manager), Brad, Eddie, Kay, Lily, Frank, Brandon, Gwen, Carolyn, and Amanda. They help to make everyday a little more bearable, and keep me laughing, because we're all goofballs. Kay came back after not being in for a few weeks, and gave everyone hugs, including us, who she'd only met once. That's what I love about being here: people aren't so reserved, they show affection.

On the other end of things, working with a a pallet-jack, moving crates or totes around constantly, unloading and repackaging things, it is hard work. But, I've also learned about teamwork, and not being afraid to ask for help when I need it. And hey, I'll have big muscles again by the end of this CAP year! At least I hope. 😋

The best part for me is of course shopping with our participants, and hearing their stories. I try to make it fun as best I can, and seeing a smile on a participant that is down on their luck is honestly the best feeling. Sometimes it is hard to find a silver lining in some situations, but I certainly try my best. 

So there's a look into my life as a food pantry caseworker, I hope you enjoyed. 😊

Have courage, and be kind to everyone,

Len 😎

Here's some inspiration from my neighbors at Rockcastle

 And, here's the incredible picture I promised before. I even googled "incredible picture", so you know that it's legitimate.

Can't change those roots.

This one is a bit more personal, bear with me here.

Yes, I quoted a Ryan Follese song (I really enjoy that dude's songs), but I think it fits. This is a continuation of my last blog post, because I am self-conscious of having too long of posts (I admit it). 

Anyway, I am proud of my upbringing. It was not perfect by any means, but it taught me a whole lot. And now, a tribute of sorts to my parents and siblings. Think of this as a public thank-you note, because my family is great, and they deserve to know it, as we all do.

Dad,

Thank you for giving me your love of classic rock music. I am so happy when I know the name of a song, and the band, and people are shocked that I know "music beyond my years". You've given me your hard work ethic, even though I still haven't learned the concept of "working smart and not hard". You've taught me to always be polite, and to treat everyone with respect, no matter what their profession or livelihood is. You've taught me to be responsible for my actions, and that honesty truly is the best policy (after telling that I wouldn't have gotten in so much trouble if I hadn't lied 😋). And thank you for giving me a loud voice, and showing me the importance of eye contact, because it has helped me out more than a few times. I am appreciative of all of this, and I feel like I don't tell you nearly enough. So thank you, and I love ya.

Mom,

Thank you for giving me your open mind, and for showing me that everyone is good, even if it's very far deep down sometimes. You've helped me to keep hold of my little-kid self, and that is sometimes my favorite part of myself. Thank you for helping me to be strong, because I think of all that you've been through, and I remind myself that I can get through this. Thank you for being so strong in your faith, because that has helped me to be strong in my faith, even though I'm still trying to find my way, and probably always will be trying. Thank you for being my mom, and when people tell me that I look like you, I do take that as a compliment, because you are beautiful inside and out, and I am happy to be your doppelganger. 😊 I love ya.

Chris,

What is there to say? You've been my best friend since I was four, and I've learned a whole heck of a lot from you. Like Mom, I've learned to importance of keeping my little kid self, and not being afraid of imagining more. You've always been strong in your faith too, and I admire that about you, because I've been drifting more than a little. You're not content with just knowing what you know, you're always looking into different viewpoints, trying to understand the other side. Thanks for putting up with my dramatics over the years, even if sometimes you've just shrugged me off. We've laughed so hard I've started crying I don't know how many times, and I'm grateful for that. You also give the best hugs, even though you got really freaking tall, and I'm not okay with that. Keep doing great at school, and do us (and George Lucas) proud. I love ya. 

Sara, 

I miss you, and wish I could be there for you during your first year at West. But you're stronger than you think, and you can and will get through this. Keep up your sassiness and sarcasm, and, even though you're just like me and will never admit it, you're gorgeous and I wish you'd believe it. I'm here for you, even if I may be 10 hours away. I miss our late night chats, even though they can still totally happen, and I miss laughing so hard at a misunderstood word that we couldn't breathe. Keep up your hilarious facial expressions, and take full advantage of your group of friends. I love you Sar, and you've been the best roommate ever, even if you made me sleep with the lights on half the time. 😋. Keep up being the coolest (and realest) 15 year old. 

Love you all always, 

Helena 😎

Is Kentucky turning me country?

Nah, I wouldn't go that far. Am I a bigger fan of country music now? Well yes, but that's been coming for a few years now. Am I developing more of a country twang? I've only been here two weeks, but I'd like to think so (I've always loved Southern accents).

But this post is more about taking time to step into another person's shoes. This past weekend, my housemates and I went to the Red, White, and Boom country music festival, and all I have to say is "Yee-Haw"! Just kidding, though that was a big part of it. I also have a much higher tolerance for feet ache, haha. It just really fun, listening to country music, some new artists, and remembering again why I love country music. It's about story-telling, hearing how people ended up where they are; the struggles, the heartache, and the pride they have for where they come from. At the end of the day, don't we all have that?

Me, I grew up in the suburbs, but that doesn't define me. I say that I'm from Philly (or at least I had), but that isn't true either. I didn't have the idyllic childhood, and you know what? That's okay, because my upbringing made me into the person that I am today. And I am proud: I came from a little town in Pennsylvania called New Britain (and yes, I know that there are New Britain's everywhere but this one is my town). I grew up in the suburbs, in a place that doesn't have a cute-sy story behind it, but it does have a post office. And a shopping center, where I discovered a thrift store that though it changed locations, it's still a second home to me. It has a park called peace valley which was a refuge when things got crazy at home. But the most important thing? I grew up in a very close-knit family (my immediate family), and though we aren't perfect, there's nothing I'd change for the world. Yeah, depression sucks, and so does anxiety, but (and I know this phrase is so over-used) what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Remember how I was talking about country music and the country lifestyle? Well, I'm not an expert by any means, but for me, country means taking your life for what it is, and being proud of it, no matter where you come from. That's it from me for right now, later y'all.

Be kind to everyone, and in turn, have courage,
Len 😎

A few photos from me, a New Britainian